Clara Barton: Pioneering Mother, Civil War Heroine

I hope everyone had a food-, family-, and fun-filled Independence Day this month! Since we're celebrating the birth of our nation, I've got historical American heroines on my mind. And although she did her groundbreaking work almost one hundred years after we won our independence, I'd like to focus today on a woman who changed our nation (and the world) for the better: Clara Barton.

“I have an almost complete disregard of precedent, and a faith in the possibility of something better. It irritates me to be told how things have always been done. I defy the tyranny of precedent. I go for anything new that might improve the past.”
~ Clara Barton

Compassion embodied

Born in 1821 in Oxford, Massachusetts, Clarissa Harlowe Barton was called simply “Clara” by her family and friends. During a time period when women were expected to keep house and keep quiet, Clara was a rebel! She soaked up every ounce of education her family would give her, and schooled herself in the ways of the world by working as a clerk and bookkeeper for her oldest brother. 

But she was also somewhat shy, and always on the lookout for ways to be helpful to others. When her brother David was injured in an accident, 10-year-old Clara basically put herself in charge of watching over him. The doctor taught her how to administer his medication, and she continued to care for him long after everyone else had given up hope. Under her watchful eye, he eventually made a full recovery, and Clara knew she'd found her calling.

First, though, she needed to grow up a little. She studied hard and, at the ripe old age of 17, became a school teacher herself. This accomplishment is even more impressive since most teachers in this era were men. Although nursing pulled at her heart, she also adored working with children and finding ways to relate to them. (Growing up with rambunctious brothers helped a lot!) Her career as an educator included founding and running the first free school in New Jersey. But after the institution grew to 600 students, Clara was ousted by a man elected by the school board. They (foolishly) believed that running such a large organization was “man's work.”

Fearless and equality-minded

“I may sometimes be willing to teach for nothing, but if paid at all, I shall never do a man's work for less than a man's pay.
~ Clara Barton

Disillusioned and angry, Clara knew she needed a change. Sick of the long, cold New England winters, she decided to try her luck in warmer Washington, D.C. There, in 1855, she took a job that became another in her long list of firsts: She became a clerk in the U.S. Patent Office, where she was one of the first women to work for the federal government. Unwilling to stomach the same treatment she'd gotten in New Jersey, she demanded a salary equal to a man's salary!

This triumph didn't last long. Clara was staunchly against slavery, and being vocal about her political opinions made her too controversial for a government job.

Shortly after she was fired, the Civil War broke out.

Natural nurse and brave care-giver

“I may be compelled to face danger, but never fear it, and while our soldiers can stand and fight, I can stand and feed and nurse them.” 
~ Clara Barton

As soon as she got word that the war had begun, Clara knew she needed to act. While the military focused on mobilizing and the public was in a panic, she put her energy toward helping the men in uniform, some of whom were already wounded, many hungry, and some without anywhere to sleep or any clothing besides what they had on their backs. She was pragmatic, organized, and clear-headed. She collected some relief articles on her own, appealed to the public for more, and figured out how to store and distribute them to “her boys.” Clara's huge heart shone through in her efforts to keep their spirits up: she read to them, wrote letters for them, and prayed with them. 

But after a few months she knew that where she was needed most was not in Washington, but on the battlefields.

Having gathered a small force of support volunteers and nurses around her, she campaigned to bring her expertise and much-needed supplies to the front lines. In August of 1862, she arrived at a Virginia field hospital at midnight with a wagon-load of supplies, to the unspeakable relief of the surgeon in charge. After that, Clara earned the nickname, “Angel of the Battlefield,” tending to injured and distraught soldiers at the battles of Fairfax Station, Chantilly, Harpers Ferry, South Mountain, Antietam, Fredericksburg, Charleston, Petersburg, and Cold Harbor. She ordered her supply wagon drivers to follow the Union cannons and traveled all night, pulling ahead of military medical units. She put the health, comfort, and safety of the troops ahead of her own again and again.

A loving mother to all

“Everybody's business is nobody's business, and nobody's business is my business.”
~ Clara Barton

Even after the war, Clara continued to show compassion to those around her. She found herself a point of contact for families looking for men who had been reported missing. Once again, she recognized an important human need and did something practical to address it herself. She contacted President Lincoln to seek permission to take charge of finding these “missing” soldiers and informing their families of their whereabouts. Just before his assassination, Lincoln granted this permission. Over the course of four years, Clara and her assistants responded to more than 63,000 letters and identified more than 22,000 missing men.

And still she worked tirelessly to help others!

After a lecture tour spent describing her experiences on the battlefields, Clara traveled to Europe in 1869 hoping to take a much-needed break. But—ever the loving mother-spirit—she found herself connected with the International Red Cross, a relief organization active during the Franco-Prussian War. Seeing the incredible work being done and its clear universal value, she began to campaign for the creation of an American arm of this group. It took more than a decade of work, but in 1880 the American Red Cross was founded, with Clara as its first leader.

Although she never married or had children of her own, Clara Barton had the ferociously protective and nurturing energy of a mother. She cared for her students as a teacher, her patients as a nurse, and the entire country as the founder of the American Red Cross. She was pragmatic when others were overwhelmed, brave when others were afraid, and willing to put her life on the line for the greater good. She honored our country with her steadfast service, and was a true American heroine!

Catherine Deneuve: Gifted Artist & Mysterious Sage

I'm back from my marvelous trip through France, and already missing the country's gorgeous landscapes and magical cities! Since my heart is still brimming with emotions and memories from my travels, I'm going to continue my series on inspirational French women. (What can I say? I want to re-live my experience for as long as I can!) Today, we'll learn about actress (and model and human rights advocate) Catherine Deneuve, one of my all-time favorite performers.

“People who know me know I'm strong, but I'm vulnerable.”

~ Catherine Deneuve
 

Born to perform

Catherine is the daughter of two Parisian stage actors, and both she and her two sisters were bitten by the acting bug as young girls. The entire family was drawn to both singing and acting, and Catherine landed her first film role at the ripe old age of 13. She continued to dabble in both stage and screen roles, but got her big break in 1964 when she was cast in the musical film, “Les Parapluies de Cherbourg.” She was just 21 at the time, and became a huge star in her native France … but it was her next role that would make her an icon.

Controversial director Roman Polanski cast Catherine as a cold but deeply erotic figure in his horror film, “Repulsion,” and she took to the role so well that she earned the nickname, “Ice Maiden.” She was so suited to this type of character that it became her trademark for quite a while. Catherine was cast again and again as an aloof, enigmatic beauty with deep sexual magnetism. Just two years later in 1967, she starred as a housewife-turned-prostitute in “Belle de Jour,” and was so compelling she received a BAFTA award.

Catherine continued to take roles as mysterious sirens, but also wanted to spread her artistic wings. She didn't enjoy being typecast, and was eager to show her range as an actress. She would go on to take roles in comedies, dramas, and musicals, and even perform voices for animated films! She starred in the cult classic vampire film “The Hunger” along with David Bowie and Susan Sarandon, and was nominated for an Oscar for her role in “Indochine,” the heart-wrenching story of a French plantation owner and her adopted Vietnamese daughter. Catherine has made more than 100 films so far, and, now in her 70s, shows no signs of shying from the spotlight.

An iconic beauty

“Being an actress is a very physical thing. If I didn't look the way I looked, I would never have started in films.”

~ Catherine Deneuve

From the start, Catherine was aware that her mesmerizing beauty was an asset. In addition to her acting work, she took on several prominent modeling jobs. Legendary fashion designer Yves Saint Laurent considered her a muse for several decades. She became the face of Chanel No. 5 perfume in the late 1970s, a campaign that won the hearts of American fans. And, following in the footsteps of Brigitte Bardot and Mireille Mathieu, Catherine was chosen as the live model for Marianne, a national symbol of the French Republic, from 1985 to 1989!

Even into the 2000s, as the cruised through her 60s and 70s, Catherine continued to land gigs with Louis Vuitton, M.A.C., and L'Oreal. I love seeing her in advertisements, a proud and still-radiant older woman!

The rebellious sage

In her private life, Catherine was never interested in following the rules. She's only been married once, and for just seven years, though she's taken many long-term lovers and had two children with them. She expresses her views on the institution in this great quote:

“Marriage is obsolete and a trap.”

~ Catherine Deneuve

She has also championed many political and human rights issues, some of them quite controversial. She's staunchly pro-choice and has spoken out about her experience receiving an illegal abortion. She vehemently opposes the death penalty, and has worked with Amnesty International to fight it worldwide. She's been involved with charities that fight AIDS and cancer, as well as organizations that battle for children's rights.

Catherine Deneuve may have spent much of her long career being revered for her physical beauty, but she strikes me as a wise sage. She's dealt with the politics and pitfalls of show business since she was a teen, sought out complex and interesting roles, shunned social traditions, fought for her beliefs, and done it all on her own terms. She is smart and compassionate, but also blunt and determined. Her fearlessness is a shining example to all of us, but especially those of us who my shy away from our ambitions and beliefs. May this fabulous French icon inspire us for many decades to come!

Marie Antoinette: An Iconic Queen with a Lust for Life

The French have long been known as a passionate people and even their kings and queens were often lusty rulers who prioritized pleasure over practicality. France's final queen, Marie Antoinette, was no exception. She was a lover through and through, who enjoyed nothing more than an extravagant party! And it was this very hunger for luxury that became her downfall. She’s famous for many reasons, being strongly opinionated, feminine and bringing fun fashion to France.

From princess to queen

In many ways, Marie was a quintessential princess: Born to royalty, spoiled by her wealthy parents—the rulers of Austria—and schooled more on social graces than academics. Her marriage to Louis-Auguste, heir to the French throne, was arranged when she was just 15 years old, and still very much a wild, flighty teenage girl. In the months leading up to the wedding, the French sent a tutor to straighten her out, but he had no luck, saying that since, “she is rather lazy and extremely frivolous, she is hard to teach.” Ouch!

Once married to Louis, Marie continued to act impetuously. She wrote long, impassioned letters to her mother describing her frustrations and loneliness, and shunned court rituals. The teenaged prince she'd married was her polar opposite: He was an introverted, indecisive boy who loved reading and spending time alone. She was naturally social and vivacious, a true social butterfly who loved partying, gambling, and the most extravagant fashions she could get her hands on.

The married couple lived at Versailles as heirs for four years before Louis was crowned king. Marie was 19 when she became queen of France, and did her best to build the fun-filled, wild, ecstatic life she felt she deserved at court.

Wild child

It's said that as queen, Marie habitually slept until noon and threw parties that lasted all night. She spent money like it was going out of style, sparing no expense on rich food, wine, clothes, wigs, and hats. Balls and parties weren't her only extravagances; She had a tiny model farm built on the palace grounds so that she and her ladies-in-waiting could play dress-up as milkmaids and shepherdesses. Royal hairdresser Léonard Autié became one of her closest friends, and created enormous elaborate hairstyles for her that often towered several feet above her head. Once, he actually styled her hair into a replica of the French warship La Belle Poule!

But despite her efforts, Marie wasn't happy. Her marriage appeared to be a relatively loveless one, and for the first seven years it was childless, too. Furious and hell-bent on her daughter producing an heir to the French throne, Marie's mother sent one of her sons, Emperor Joseph II, to Versailles to intervene. It's not totally clear what all he did, but whatever it was worked! Within a year, Marie bore the first of her four children.

Although Marie's arrival in France had been celebratory and ecstatic, the longer she stayed the less her adopted country felt inclined to adore her. France was saddled with massive military debts, and while the wealthy elite paid no taxes, commoners were taxed within an inch of their lives. News of Queen Marie's expensive antics infuriated the French people, since she was visibly frittering away what little money the country had.

An easy scapegoat

Things got steadily worse over the years, and the French newspapers and people were quick to blame Marie. Her lavish spending earned her the name “Madame Deficit.” The king attempted some tax reforms, but the wealthy French aristocrats resisted … and believing Marie to be entirely to blame, the commoners began calling her “Madame Veto,” too.

Marie still partied hard, but she began to feel the strain of her massive unpopularity. She spent more and more time apart from the king, and soon rumors about an affair with Swedish diplomat Count Axel von Fersen began popping up. (Spoiler: The rumors were true!) Her reputation was already unraveling when a bizarre scandal erupted with her at the center.

A thief dressed as Marie Antoinette stole a massive 647-diamond necklace and took it to London to be sold off in pieces. The real queen had nothing to do with the heist, but the people of France remained convinced that she was somehow involved.

Rebellious to the end, Marie ignored the uproar and continued to spend. She began constructing Hameau de la Reine, an extravagant retreat near her private castle, the Petit Trianon, in Versailles. That's right, she already had a castle and felt she needed a cottage, too.

Revolution!

After years of class discrimination, the French people were fed up. In July of 1789, nearly 1,000  workers and peasants took over the Bastille prison, stripping it of arms and ammunition and marking the beginning of the French Revolution. In October of the same year, an angry mob of women protesting the high cost of bread and other essential household items marched to the palace, dragged the entire royal family back to Paris, and imprisoned them in the Tuileries.

It's important to note here that THE MOST FAMOUS thing about Marie Antoinette is actually a myth. It's said that when she was told that the people had no money to buy bread, she responded by saying, “Then let them eat cake!” Not so. Marie was dismissive and snobbish to be sure, but she never uttered this particular phrase. In fact, it was used many years before Marie's arrival to describe how out-of-touch the wealthy French upper class had become.

But her other outlandish behaviors had sealed her fate. She and Louis escaped Paris for a while, but were recaptured and eventually locked in a tower. They spent the next few years embroiled in political turmoil and accused of a slew of awful crimes including sexual promiscuity and incest. In 1793, Louis was executed. Ten months later, Marie herself was sent to the guillotine and beheaded for treason.

Important but not beloved

French people can hold an epic grudge, and most of them still actively hate Marie Antoinette, even hundreds of years later! Her frivolous behavior and total disregard for the needs of her country made her an arch villain. But Thomas Jefferson wrote, "I have ever believed that if there had been no Queen, there would have been no revolution." So although Marie's focus on fashion and fun became her downfall, she may have been the exact kind of hot mess that France needed to kick-start the machinery of democracy.

And although she was reviled for her opulent tastes, there's no denying that Marie Antoinette was a lover. She loved beauty, she loved excitement, she loved adventure. Her passion and artistry, her unquenchable lust for life were And although she was reviled for her opulent tastes, there's no denying that Marie Antoinette was a lover. She loved beauty, she loved excitement, she loved adventure. Her passion and artistry, her unquenchable lust for life were destructive … but also spectacular to behold.

destructive … but also spectacular to behold.

Joan of Arc: Fearless Warrior for God

I'm currently traveling through France, and am feeling so inspired by everything I've seen! The history of this marvelous country comes alive at every turn, and I've been soaking it all in. I recently visited Chinon, and was enthralled by what I learned about Joan of Arc during my stay there. Talk about a fearless woman warrior! Joan has always fascinated me, but immersing myself in her story here has made me fall in love with her all over again. She's the patron saint of France, and her legend is still very much alive here. Today, I wanted to share her story, one of the most mysterious and tragic tales in the whole of French history. Maybe even world history ...

Imagine being 12 years old and seeing visions of saints and angels. Now imagine those saints and angels kept telling you that your destiny was to save your country in the name of God. This was precisely what happened to Joan of Arc, a young woman whose bravery would change the course of world history before she'd even reached her eighteenth birthday.

Joan was born in northeastern France in 1412 during a series of ongoing military clashes with the English called the Hundred Years War. By the time she was 10 years old, she'd seen dozens of her own neighbors thrown out of their homes by the invading English forces. They even burned her hometown to the ground at one point. Joan's family was incredibly poor and although Joan couldn't read or write, her mother taught her to adore and trust God.

That adoration and trust began to take strange forms as Joan grew older.

Around the age of 12, Joan began having visions of holy figures. She saw and spoke with St. Catherine, St. Margaret, and the Archangel Michael. In her first few visions, these holy figures simply urged her to lead a pious life dedicated to God. But over time, they became more vivid and specific. By the time she was 16, the angels and saints in Joan's visions had convinced her that France's fate was in her hands.

Joan's quest

Around this time, the French throne was in dispute. Both Charles of France and the English king Henry VI claimed to be France's rightful ruler. Through her visions, St. Michael and St. Catherine told Joan that she had been chosen as the savior of France and that she must find a way to meet with Charles. It was her destiny to lead French forces to beat the English and install him as king. As she traveled through the country, the French people heard her story and rallied around her. There was a prophecy that a virgin girl would save France, and both Joan and her supporters believed that she was the chosen one. Some of them began to follow her everywhere she went.

After a six-month campaign to get permission to visit Charles, Joan finally persuaded his guards that she was the real deal. She cut her hair short and dressed in men’s clothes for her 11-day trek to Chinon,  convinced that her visions were finally coming true.

When she arrived, though, Charles hesitated. Some of his advisors urged him to meet with this passionate girl, but others were convinced she was a fraud. Maybe even a traitor. So Charles decided to put her to a test. He granted her an audience, but disguised himself and hid among the members of his court. She picked him out almost immediately, having never seen him before! After that, he agreed to speak with her privately.

During this talk, Joan proved herself by repeating to Charles the words of a prayer he'd made in private, something only God could have heard. After she'd sworn she would see him crowned king at Reims, Charles gifted Joan a suit of armor and a horse, and asked her to accompany the French army to Orléans, the site of an English siege. Joan arrived, she fought valiantly, and after months of stagnation the French finally began to win. Joan's presence had turned the tables on the invaders. At the age of 17 and with no military training, Joan fought like a true warrior and helped her army drive the English out of Orléans.

Shortly after, Charles was crowned King Charles VII, just as Joan and predicted.

Defeat and capture

Joan was elated that she'd been able to make her visions into reality, but wanted to continue to serve her king. Paris had been captured by enemies to the crown, and she was eager to re-take it. Although King Charles wasn't wild about the idea, Joan bravely led the charge herself, her passion and faith driving her actions.

But she was unable to capture the city. And this was the beginning of the end for her ...

Several months later, the king ordered Joan to fight the traitorous French Burgundians in Compiégne. As she was attempting to defend the town and its people, she was thrown from her horse, and her own troops abandoned her outside the town’s gates as they closed.

Then the Burgundians took Joan captive.

Then King Charles lost faith in her. He left her to rot in the Burgundian prison for months without attempting to free her.

Joan's supporters made several attempts to rescue her, but all of them failed. Eventually, she was exchanged for 10,000 livres to the English. Well aware that the French people adored Joan and saw her as a messenger from God, the English decided to make an example of her. They charged her with 70 crimes, including witchcraft, heresy, and dressing like a man (illegal at that time). To make matters worse, many French officials sided against Joan and chose to oversee her trial.

She'd been abandoned by her king, accused of betraying her beloved God, and turned on by some of her own countrymen.

Her trial dragged on for more than a year.

She was interrogated dozens of times, threatened with rape and torture, and yet she remained calm and stuck to her claim of innocence through it all. Since one of her crimes was dressing as a man, she was forced to wear traditional women's dresses during the trial … but she rebelled and found ways to sneak men's clothes into her cell so she could wear them proudly! Joan's courage could not be snuffed out, and she held her head high no matter how many times her inquisitors tried to beat her down. She believed in herself, stayed true to her own heart, and was a rebel to the core.

Finally, on May 29, 1431, Joan of Arc was convicted of heresy. The next day, she was burned at the stake in front of a crowd of 10,000 people, many of them weeping for their beloved virgin savior.

Decades later, King Charles VII ordered an investigation into her trial, cleared her name of all charges, and declared her a martyr. In 1920 she was canonized as a saint, and is now the valiant and adored patron saint of France.

Saint Joan

Although Joan of Arc was inspired by her visions of angels and saints, she isn't merely a religious icon in her native France; she's a national symbol of independence. Her unquenchable love for her country and her drive to follow her heart are her legacy. Even today, her actions inspire women in France and all over the world to stand up and fight for their personal freedoms.

Sticking to your beliefs in the face of criticism is hard enough, but actually fighting for your beliefs takes a special kind of courage. Joan of Arc felt called to fight for France, and she listened to her warrior's heart until the very end. Her heroic actions helped install a king, save hundreds of lives, and alter her country's history.

Even now, nearly 600 years later, Joan call on all of us to dig deep into our cores and summon our ferocious woman warrior selves.

Sharing Stories & Book Signing

Saturday, July 1st 5:00 p.m. to 7:00 p.m. 
Dolly’s Bookstore
510 Main Street
Park City, UT 84060
435-649-8062

A portion of Barbara’s book sales will benefit the National Ability Center in Park City through the Barbara McNally Foundation. Come and support NAC!

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Wonder Woman: Equal Parts Warrior and Lover

If you haven't seen the new “Wonder Woman” movie yet, get yourself to a theater this instant!

I saw the film on opening weekend, and flat-out LOVED it. So I'm taking a quick detour from my series on historical women to dedicate a post to every girl's favorite superhero. And she's a superhero with staying power. Ms. Magazine put Wonder Woman on the cover of its inaugural issue in 1972, nominating her for president, and she (temporarily) served as a U.N. ambassador! She may not be real, but of all the fictional characters in the world, Wonder Woman is among the most recognized, beloved, and inspiring.

I promise not to dish out spoilers, but do want to talk about why the new film is groundbreaking and historically significant. (And uplifting and spectacular and just plain fun!)

Gal Gadot's Wonder Woman

Although die-hard fans may know her from the DC comic books and older gals watched her on the Lynda Carter TV series, we first met Israeli actress Gal Gadot's version of Wonder Woman in the 2016 film “Batman v Superman.” (Gadot spent two years in the Israeli Defense Forces, so you know she's a true warrior at heart! ) She played a bit part in that story, but the new Patty Jenkins-directed film focuses exclusively on her rich, magnetic character.

“Wonder Woman” begins by exploring our beloved hero's backstory, which starts on the idyllic island of Themyscira among her Amazonian sisters. Her given name is Diana, and she's a rebellious child eager to learn to fight despite her mother's protestations. When an American spy named Steve Trevor (played by Chris Pine) crashes near the island and tells Diana about the horrors of World War I, she feels compelled to leave her peaceful home and try to stop the war. Having never seen a man, much less a bustling city the size of London, Diana is amazed and overwhelmed by everything she's missed. Along with Trevor and a band of unlikely companions, she sets out to kill Ares—the Greek god of war—who she believes is fueling the endless, brutal fighting.

The movie is absolutely mesmerizing from start to finish! The Amazonian battle scenes made my heart pound; it was so inspiring to see fierce women warriors kicking serious butt. There were plenty of stellar special effects and plot twists, but also deeply touching and adorably funny scenes. In fact, an aspect of the script that has drawn loads of praise is that this Wonder Woman isn't just a ruthless fighting machine; She's got a huge heart and tons of empathy. Many superhero flicks focus on explosions and intrigue, but fail to capture the main character's human side. Director Patty Jenkins made sure her hero was relatable, authentic, and utterly enchanting. This Wonder Woman truly is half Warrior, and half Lover!

What's the big deal?

Wondering why this film has nabbed so many headlines? Well, for starters, there has never been a Wonder Woman movie. Ever! The comics were launched 73 years ago, the character has been beloved ever since, and yet Hollywood resisted creating a solo film for her. We've had seven Superman movies since 1978 and eight Batman films. Studios were even willing to bank on obscure male comic book heros like Ant Man and Deadpool! But despite multiple false-starts, no one ever managed to get a Wonder Woman film off the ground.

Until now.

Hollywood has long been prejudiced against both female directors and female action leads, and this new film boasts both. It wasn't until the “Hunger Games” series proved that a strong, woman-fronted action franchise could make mega-bucks that Hollywood began to sit up and pay attention. And their  gamble paid off: On its first weekend in theaters, “Wonder Woman” grossed $103.3 million, the biggest opening ever for a female director. Overseas, the movie also won the weekend with $125 million from 55 markets for a global total of $228.3 million, including debuting at #1 in China! Beyond the numbers, the success of this film is significant because it portrays an independent-minded, brave, determined warrior woman who is more interested in ending battles than fighting them. She's the kind of hero that captures the hearts of little girls and grown women alike. She's someone we admire and respect, but would also love to invite out for a glass of wine! She's the perfect balance of lover and fighter, the woman we want to be and also want to befriend. Don't believe me? Get out and see the movie yourself! You'll get to see a groundbreaking and thoroughly enjoyable film, AND your dollars count as your vote. The more of us who pay to see films like this in theaters, the more Hollywood will be open to writing and producing great movies that put women characters front and center!

So many Ways to live

 Fly away with me

When I’m home in my routine I think about leaving, just taking off for a month. I always like films about remote destinations, solo adventures, and discovering new cultures.   After publishing and promoting Wounded Warrior, Wounded Wife, I’m excited to research for the next book.   Traveling solo is tempting.

So now, as the plane soars into the air, I close my eyes briefly and let out a long breath.  Flying into the clouds, the city lights disappear. My bag is tucked away safely in the overhead compartment and I look around me and there’s not a single person who knows my name. They are all on their laptops or intimate conversations and don’t even notice me. It’s like I’m invisible.

“Indulge yourself” reads on the cover of my More magazine. What is it selling a new car or traveling afar? I think about how slippery the word indulgence is.  In my younger years the word indulgence was associated with shame. “ Someone who gives himself or herself permission to follow their desires.”

I wondered then and I wonder now, what is so wrong with that?

I always enjoy journeys, the space between things. As I lay my head back I think about France. I think about what might be waiting for me on the other side of the world. There are infinite roads, various choices and so many realities, each of them unique. So many ways to live, pub for the evening, warm and loud; maybe a quiet night in a castle listening to the piano by the fire, then Loire Valley with all the history. It’s all a mystery.

Melting into France I discover intriguing people, views, museums and cafes serendipitously. Meandering through each city and village I found getting lost is part of the journey.

Look for blog posts coming up about the fabulous French women I met! Being in France brought history alive and inspired me for my next book on Dangerous Women. I also hope to incorporate the lessons and lifestyle I learned on my adventure back at home.

Then as the plane lands home I feel grounded. I walk to my car and drive the familiar road to my quint little white Victorian house, flowering garden, and picket fence. I call my friends and daughters on the drive home to plan dinner.  I’m content to settle in for a while to the comfort of familiarity and routine. Feeling a bit more empowered and fearless for the next adventure. 

Risk, Reward, and Living Creatively

Traveling alone I explore how the traditional markers of success – marriage, money, a thriving career – don't always bring happiness, especially to artists and creators. My own life story has some similar themes, which I shared in my first book, Unbridled: A Memoir, and I am eager to learn more as I travel with other artists in France.

What others taught me surprised me.  Especially about results and reactions and the importance of letting go.

Most of creatives have learned to release some of the pressure they put on themselves by focusing on the process instead of the product. They've learned the hard way that there's no way to control how people react to your art and there's no foolproof formula for creative success. So you've just gotta put in the hours, work hard, do your best, pour your heart into your labors, and detach. Don't allow yourself to hope for or cherish any specific result. Create, release, breathe. Move on.

 Thinking of the last book I wrote Wounded Warrior, Wounded Wife – which released last Oct. – I tried to hold this advice in my mind. The project was so important to me, and I was keenly aware that dozens of wives of wounded veterans had generously shared their stories with me. I wanted to make them proud, make sure their voices were finally heard, create a book that could change the world for the better. But when I focused on those ideas, it became hard to keep going. The worry would creep in and I'd get hung up on creating something that was “good enough” or “worthy” instead of being open and honest and allowing the book to unfold naturally. It was hard work, long work. But remembering what I'd learned, I showed up to do that work every day, poured my heart and soul into it, and did my best to focus on the process of creation instead of any future outcomes.

I'm so proud of Wounded Warrior, Wounded Wife, though I'll admit that now I'm a bit anxious again about how it may be received and my next book! But I'm confident that I wrote a book I can be proud of, and a book that compassionately and accurately represents these brave women. I created the book I wanted to create. Now I have to step back, release, breathe, and move on.

Even if you aren't in a creative profession, I think this advice can still be absolutely life-changing. We live in a results-obsessed culture that often overlooks the value of process. And when it comes to our relationships, our work, our health, our families, our art, our very lives, we must learn to hold contradictions in our minds as we move forward. When we think about “creating a life we want,” we may think of marriage, money, a thriving career. But those things may not matter. Happiness is elusive, but also specific: What makes you happy might make me miserable. Which means crafting a rewarding, fulfilling life is entirely up to each of us. The life we want may not involve marriage or money or a thriving career. It might just as easily be one in which we do everything with passion and enthusiasm, do our absolute best. whenever we can, and then release, breathe, and move on.

Catherine de' Medici: Powerful Queen and Cunning Warrior

It takes a lot of guts to be queen. We tend to think of queens who ruled alone—like Cleopatra and Elizabeth I—as being the most powerful. But even queens who ruled at the side of kings had to be smart, strong, and observant. Catherine de' Medici's tumultuous reign is proof of this!

Catherine was part of the powerful Medici clan in Florence, Italy, and her parents arranged her marriage to Henri, Duke of Orléans, who later became King Henry II of France. Henry and Catherine were married at the ripe old age of 14 (which was normal at the time), and at their wedding Catherine was seen wearing the world's first pair of high-heeled shoes! She was a fearless tastemaker even as a teen.

An unhappy union

However, a woman named Diane de Poitiers had already captured the heart of the young king. She'd been his mentor and tutor since he was 12, and although she was 20 years his senior, she was incredibly beautiful, worldly, and captivating. Catherine adored Henry, but watched in dismay as he became more and more enamored of Diane. Just two years after their marriage, Henry took Diane as his official mistress. (Also normal at the time – many kings had non-secret mistresses, and “king's lover” was actually a sought-after position at court!) They remained close for 25 years, during which time a tortured Catherine bore 10 children for Henry.

Catherine was a believer in fortune-telling or “soothsaying,” and consulted with several psychics on a regular basis. Just before a jousting tournament, her advisors confirmed her strong gut feeling that Henry could become gravely injured if he competed. She begged him to sit out, but he wouldn't listen … and she turned out to be right. Henry was pierced through his eye during a joust, suffered horrifically for 12 days, and then died.

Queen, regent, and advisor

Hurt, furious, and now the sole ruler of France, Catherine banished Diane. Soon her 16-year-old son, François II, ascended to the throne, and Catherine arranged the first fireworks display in the history of France to celebrate his coronation. But his reign was painfully short-lived. After a year and a half on the throne, François fell ill and died, breaking Catherine's heart anew. Her next oldest son, Charles, was crowned king at the age of 10 and Catherine was appointed as regent by the Privy Council. (Since he was too young to rule, she was picked to rule in his place.) While Charles came of age, Catherine enjoyed tremendous power.

After Charles died in 1574, Catherine continued to loom large in the French monarchy. She played a key role in the reign of her third son, Henry III, who relied on her political advice throughout most of his reign. She also remained involved in his personal life; Henry struggled to produce an heir, and Catherine lamented this fact. She is said to have thrown lavish cross-dressing parties where men dressed as women and women went topless as men, all in an effort to rekindle Henry's interest in his wife. (This didn't work out as planned, but the parties themselves became legendary!)

Catherine was disliked—sometimes downright hated—by her French subjects. Her husband and three sons ruled France during an incredibly violent and unstable period, when religious civil war ran rampant. The crown also faced financial problems, and Catherine worked hard to keep everything under control. The religious conflicts were caused by unrest between the Catholics and Protestants in France, who saw the Church in fundamentally different ways and grew to hate each other over their differences. Although Catholic herself, Catherine did her best to see both sides and even defended the Protestants at times. But she didn't truly understand their motivation, grew frustrated and angry with them, and eventually resorted to passing questionable laws, approving assassinations of key figures, and other acts of political intrigue to keep France from falling into total chaos. She made tough decisions and acted decisively, always with the well-being of her family in mind. Some historians believe her sons would never have remained in power without her cunning and sharp wits. This single-minded focus on keeping her family on the throne made her wildly unpopular among the French people, who felt she was deaf to their needs.

Catherine's multifaceted legacy

Many know of Catherine's impact on French history, but fewer are aware of her lasting influence on French culture. In addition to leaving her stamp on fashion and society, she changed French cuisine forever. A group of Italian chefs accompanied her to France in 1533, and brought with them a philosophy of cooking and dining that became wildly popular among the wealthy upper-classes. These chefs introduced mushrooms, garlic, and truffles to the French palette, as well as many Italian desserts. They also popularized the use silverware and porcelain dishes, which were almost unknown before Catherine's arrival.

Catherine gave birth to three sons who went on to become kings. She threw outlandishly sexy parties and fabulous feasts. She struggled through a marriage to a man who preferred another woman, and persevered as leader of a country that often hated her. She did what she thought was right and best, and never let anyone get in her way. Catherine de' Medici was a warrior, through and through!

Refilling the cup, so we have something to give

While you’ve surely been having fun toasting your friends’ nuptials this wedding season, if the champagne has started to lose a little of that fizz, and you’re lamenting the fact that you haven’t had a single weekend to yourself, now’s the time to throw a solo celebration.

Remember the Sex and the City episode where Carrie’s Manolos are stolen from a baby shower? She reacts by sending the hostess a voicemail: “I wanted to let you know that I’m getting married. To myself. I’m registered at Manolo Blahnik.”

Whether you’re single or married, the first person you should choose to celebrate is YOU.  Make a point to book a date with yourself. Here are 7 date ideas for what you can do:

1. Enjoy an outdoor concert.

Being outdoors and listening to live music is a great way to lift your spirits. For one, boogying to your favorite music can be a good form of exercise. Also, live music gives that uplifting, living-in-the-moment feeling that is good for both physical and emotional wellbeing. Take advantage of the warm days of the season, and catch a concert at your area amphitheater or local park. Just pack a simple picnic (wine, cheese, grapes, prosciutto, etc.) and a blanket, and commit to going no matter what.

2. Turn off your phone.

The average person checks their phone between 110-150 times a day. That’s a lot of energy and attention flitting back and forth, which can leave you feeling stressed and distracted.

Pick a day or a length of time and shut your phone off completely. If you can, leave it at home and go do something (Facebook and Instagram will still be there when you get back).

Look up! Take in the sights around you. Reacquaint yourself with your senses.

3. Take a dance class.

How many times have you heard a song on the radio and you started to dance around, only to realize you are stuck in traffic, behind the wheel of your car? A bit confining, isn’t it? Wouldn’t it feel great to get on the dance floor with other people enjoying the music around you?

But if you don’t have the desire to go to a bar or nightclub on your own, then take a dance class! You’ll benefit from learning some new moves and so much more, including:

Improved physical health

Dancing is a low -impact aerobic activity, good for your joints and cardiovascular system. It improves posture, flexibility, agility, balance and body alignment. It’s a great way to burn calories, stay fit and improve your coordination!

Improved mental health

Dancing integrates rational, emotional, kinesthetic and problem-solving skills, improving our overall mental processing. It’s memory with physical movement (better than doing a crossword puzzle or other sedentary memory tasks). The changes and patterns of dancing make our brains work more quickly.

Improved happiness

It’s a chance to meet new friends who share similar interests. It’s great for getting out of our head, playing, and bringing out the child and the lover in all of us. It’s a way for couples to flirt with each other and singles to meet new partners. Dancing spurs creativity, motivation and overall energy.

4. Book a photo shoot.

You should be proud of your inner and outer beauty. And who can bring out your beauty better than a talented portrait photographer? (Besides, it’s much more fun than a selfie.)

Maybe you want to update your professional headshot, or have photographic evidence of how hot your body looks — another Sex and the City reference.

A healthy dose of each “pride quality” listed, is actually necessary to embody a fulfilled sense of self —  as a woman, and as anybody.

5. Take a yoga class.

Yoga is an easy activity to do on your own, and so necessary for balancing our day-to-day stress. Cortisol and adrenalin are hormones that are released in the body as a result of stress. Sustained high levels of these “stress hormones” destroy healthy muscle and bone. Over a prolonged period, it can even lead to a host of diseases.

Yoga reduces cortisol and adrenalin levels by returning the body to a physically stress-free state, making it less susceptible to illness and more prone to resiliency and vitality. Yoga does not have to be pretzel poses. It includes a practice of centering, meditative grounding, deep breathing, and poses to help align your chakras.

When you practice yoga, your entire muscular system becomes stronger and more elastic and therefore, less susceptible to injury. Standing and balancing postures strengthen and lengthen the big muscle groups, and floor postures strengthen the muscles that support the spine and head.

As a physical therapist, I call it “cheap” physical therapy.

6. Enjoy sensual pleasures.

Turn on your favorite music, wear your favorite scent and lingerie, or put on a silly costume, get your hair done, and wear that red lipstick. Just turn off your judgmental mind for a few hours. What do you taste, hear, touch, see and smell?

Get present: A sensual person experiences each moment completely — and knows that a simple, fully present, deep inhale can evoke as much ecstasy as anything.

Find the sensual energy in everything: sipping champagne, tasting strawberries, touching yourself. No action is too small to ignite your senses and live out your inner diva.

7. Write your own happy ending.

Is your idea of “getting married” still influenced by the Disney princesses you watched as a kid? Why does every princess need to have a prince? Think you are not enough without one? Time to rethink! Women are warriors, lovers, mothers and sages. We can be the hero in our own story.

Create a vision board for what you want your life to look like and then start living it. single or married we can all take time to rejuvenate and relax to refill our cup, so we are better lovers of life!